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Have you ever felt bad when someone complimented your or spoke favorably about you?

I have, and I never understood why.

Here’s the thing…

When there is a discrepancy between what others think about you and what you think about you, you argue with what they’re saying. You deny it internally. You throw up a bunch of contradictory thoughts and tell yourself why they’re wrong. And those thoughts usually hurt.

The more discrepancy between the two points of view the more pain involved.

Therefore, those who love us the most can be befuddling because we JUST DON’T BELIEVE THEM. In fact, sometimes we believe the opposite. And we don’t want to hear their positive mumbo-jumbo because it’s painful to think the contradictory thoughts we have against what they’re saying to us.

I love you.

You’re SO wonderful, SO lovable, SO caring, SO beautiful.

If hearing this = pain, here’s why.

In your own mind, you’re combating and rejecting the compliment by thinking and believing other things about you such as:

You’re wrong.

I am not.

I am NOT wonderful. I’m judgmental.

I am NOT lovable. I’m a loser.

I am NOT caring. I’m harsh.

I am NOT beautiful. I’m plain and ugly and disgusting.


The pain does not come from the compliments.

The pain comes from thinking their compliments are completely wrong or a lie or false.

The next time it seems like a compliment feels bad – notice what you are thinking about yourself.

There’s the culprit.