At the end of the post, you’ll find details about this Sunday’s free class on The Daughter’s Path.
Last week I wrote about The Most Important Woman in the World.
This opened a dialogue between my mom and I, which lead to my heartfelt expression of my love for her which has been lacking for…oh…just about a decade or so (maybe even two – but pishaw, who’s counting anyway).
Tears were shed on both sides including sobbing in CJ-Ville once love broke the damn of my longheld beliefs that had formerly blocked communication and forward momentum in our relationship.
Following that, I saw The Great Gatsby with my mom this past weekend.
I watched myself be more myself than I have been in what feels like forever. It was miraculous.
I cannot remember feeling this light for this extended a period of time in the presence of my mother. I’m talking about 30 minutes before the movie and 15 minutes after the movie.
This may not seem like a lot to you, but 45 minutes void of the heart-constricting, mind-clamping, love-shattering idea that every word my mother says or might say could inflict a wound felt like freedom from bondage.
45 minutes of freedom.
When I saw her words as incoming gunfire, I dreaded asking a simple question like: “Did you like the movie?”
Why, dread, you ask?
Because it wasn’t just a damn movie review. Far from it. I thought my very being was at stake.
An answer of “No, I didn’t like the movie” would mean I had not only chosen the wrong movie and wasted her time and money but marred her happiness as well…
Which would mean I had not only just done several things wrong…
(Now just remember, I didn’t say any of this was rational.)
Which would mean I was wrong.
Wrong in my mother’s eyes.
Oh, Lordy, who wants to feel that.
That just feels like the wrongest kind of wrong there is.
But this time, on the foundation of my love for myself and her and knowing that my worth was not on the table, I was free to share anything with her and hear anything from her.
And we could just talk about a damn movie, yo! My worth, value or the wrong-ness or right-ness of my very being were not in question when the question “Did you like the movie?” was being asked or answered.
I realized that the movie in my mind starring me and my mom (where she is the enemy shooting painful verbal bullets at me) has been my own imaginary creation. If any bullets have been fired, I was pulling the trigger and the wounds were self-inflicted.
Oh, what good friggin’ news.
Mom can be mom, and I can stop shooting at myself.
And I have.
And now I can simply see a movie with my mom.
Just a movie. That’s it.
Seeing a movie with my mom is not a trial by fire to see whether I come out right or wrong.
No warfare involved. No gunfire. No bullets flying by my head. (Or hers. Yes, I may have taken aim a time or two…thousand…in the past. Don’t judge.)
And I can like the movie or not. (I did.)
And she can like the movie or not. (She didn’t.)
And I don’t have to make that mean my very core is wrong, wrong, wrong. (It doesn’t.)
And we can enjoy each other’s company for a full 45 minutes and make plans to see each other the following week. (Oh, yes, we did.)
And once again, I can be as hopeful as Jay Gatsby.
Being a daughter has been the biggest learning experience of my life.
Join me this Sunday, May 26 at 4pm PST where I discuss The Daughter’s Path and some of my own a-ha moments and journey as a daughter. Includes Q&A at the end.
All women invited. One listener on the call will be selected for a complimentary coaching session with me to work on their own role as a daughter.
There is no charge for this call.
Call details will be sent out Sunday to everyone on my list. Go here to get on the list.