This week I’m singing for you.
If you watch, you’re going to judge me.
You can’t help it. Judgment happens.
But since you’re going to do it anyway…
You have my full permission. [Video below]
Usually we think this:
Judgment = Someone having an opinion that I suck bad.
Judgment = Someone having an opinion.
You’re going to be in front of your smartphone, tablet or computer screen with an opinion about something in the video (the pitch, the performance, my talent, the production values, etc).
Yay or nay – so be it.
Your opinion cannot affect me. At. All.
Not because you may be 5,000 miles away, and I may have no idea what you’re thinking but because…
What goes down in your head affects and impacts you.
What goes down in my head affects and impacts me.
Even if what you’re thinking about is the topic of “me” and even if what I think is about the topic of “you”. It’s all going down in our own heads, respectively.
If you think CJ sucks bad, then – to whatever degree – that is affecting you – but that in no way has the power to affect me.
However, if I start doubting, questioning or criticizing my performance, the production values, my pitch…or whatever! and I judge it as I suck bad then…
Oh, yes, that is affecting me.
When it comes to judgment, what matters is not that someone else judges us, but whether we judge ourselves.
So it is with our mothers (alive or deceased).
We go along living our lives, and then our mothers interject what seems to be their judgment in the form of a question:
“The TV you bought is HOW BIG? And it cost you HOW MUCH?”
“You want to do WHAT with your life?”
If you watch the video I know you’ll have your opinion, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Not one little thing.
I know this because, if I think your haircut is unfortunate or I raise an eyebrow at the thick layer of dirt on your unwashed car, that is completely out of your control.
My mind is my domain, and so is yours.
That makes trying to control someone else’s mind virtually impossible not to mention exhausting.
In our own minds, when we give people permission to judge, we relax. We stop fighting. We stop trying to do the impossible for the gazillionth time. We stop resisting the reality that:
People gonna think what they gonna think.
Let it be.
When we give people permission to judge, we get back an enormous amount of time and energy that was formerly spent on the impossible: controlling someone else’s mind.
Try it for yourself and see how it feels.
Start with the waitress who takes your order for a Caesar Salad:
“Hold the croutons and substitute the dressing for olive oil with lemon wedges on the side and the chicken grilled in full fat butter with a serving of sliced avocado, please.”
Can you let the waitress (and the cook in the kitchen who will prepare your meal) think exactly what they’re going to think about you and your order? (“Oh, my God. Another over-the-top health freak!” or “God, I wish I could order like that.”)
Whatever they think…
Let it be.
To explore the possibility of more peace in your relationship with your mom (whether she is alive or deceased), join me Saturday, May 24th at 10am PST. Hop on this list to receive details for the call the day before.
As you watch the video below of me singing Let it Be by the Beatles, judge away.
(I can’t stop you anyway.)
In my class for daughters, I’ll be sharing more insights on how to go from Friction to Freedom in your relationship with your mom. This will be part of an ongoing series. For notifications, hop on this list (if you already receive my newsletter, you’ll receive the details).
Feeling inspired? Please comment below.
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